Colors
by Hari-Aisu
Summary: In myself, I see no dreams, like unpainted pictures. How many times must I fill this canvas? I'll abandon time as I hold a white flag overhead... I am your unknown color now.


A.N: I already know a bunch of people are going WTF right now, and quite frankly, that's amusing to me.

Yes. I wrote something that _wasn't_ about L and Light. At least not directly. Deal with it, read it, and ENJOY IT! My brain needed a little vacation from all the LxLight infecting it. Lol. Though, unsurprisingly, there is some slight LxLight implied here. Boo. -.-;

I loved Misa's character in the series, and I don't think she gets enough love. Though here, I suppose she's really not getting any love either. Oops. I suppose you can call this canonesque. This was inspired by a Utada Hikaru song named "Colors" (Buy her CD's, I say! She's so super awesome!), and I think it went fairly well. Let me know what you guys think!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. So stop calling my house asking to borrow characters I can't give, damn it!

* * *

Title: _**Colors**_

* * *

_To want something you can't have…_

_That's normal, isn't it?_

_I look at him, and I feel as if I was never meant to reach him-_

_He's so far above me. _

_Why does he pretend? _

_Why do I?_

_Because…_

_It's all I have left, that's why. _

* * *

"What's the matter, Misa?"

Bright brown eyes narrowed a bit as the young blonde swayed to and fro, the brunette staring at her as she danced without a melody feeling his patience wear thin at the sight of such childishness.

"Misa?"

"Nothing's the matter, Raito. Misa's just fine!"

The cheerful reply was accepted without a second thought, the blinding smile hiding everything the older woman wished to keep coveted.

There was something ringing off in the distance…

And Misa was scared to follow its blinding sound.

* * *

_There's something looming over all of us. _

_He pretends it's not there-_

_(That's all he's ever done; _

_The only person he didn't really pretend for is gone now, _

_And **he's** __never __coming back)_

_But I see it, brightly against the dark backdrop of their descending sins. _

_Is it really my own belief that keeps me tied to him- _

_At least, anymore?_

_No…_

_Yes…_

_I've spent so long pretending, I don't even think I know the answer anymore. _

_(But he knows; at least, he thinks he knows-_

_Ever since __**he**__ died, my light has lost his way and really,_

_Knew __**Nothing**__)_

_How long will this nothingness drift on for?_

_Will the colors that I've loved for so long fade along with us when this is all over…?_

* * *

Looking out the large window, the petite blonde felt her spirits rise slightly in excitement. The setting sun was her friend, and the night sky her only companion now.

Raito was always out now, doing whatever he felt like while she slept, stayed, bathed…

Misa worried sometimes.

But only sometimes.

Raito was self-sufficient, after all.

Even if he did not love her, he loved himself above all else, and would not let himself get killed so easily in any crossfire he might happen to walk into.

Right?

* * *

_I want to go. _

_But go where?_

_Where would I go? _

_Where does a person go, when they have everything in the palm of their hand?_

_Nowhere._

_Where is nowhere?_

_Nowhere is Mu. _

_Mu is death. _

_Death is-_

_Rem had taught me to fear death very early on, before I knew just **what **I was getting into with this forsaken curse. _

_My parents had wrought the first lesson of fright with their own demise, but Rem had unknowingly sealed the deal with her gangly body and magical notebook filled with unsuspecting names and invisible blood that only **I **could seem to see. _

_So, did that mean that death was fear? _

_He feared death. _

_Or at least, the person he was now feared death._

_I want to go. _

_But go where?_

* * *

She had cried at first, but not enough to warrant any suspicion over the falsity of her emotion.

Raito was gone.

_**Gone**_.

Was Misa supposed to be scared?

The tiny blonde felt her insides tremble as the sobs wracked over her thin frame, wishing to shed her skin, bones, ligaments, muscles…

_Everything. _

Her thoughts were scattered, her mind felt incomplete.

Was this love?

Or just something like it?

Maybe…

A little bit of both?

* * *

_His death. _

_My death. _

_I feared death. _

_Really? _

_No. _

_Yes. _

_This wasn't supposed to end like this. _

_Was it? _

_(I don't even…_

_Want to know, really.) _

_What was nothingness like? _

_Would Raito warn her to not fall like he did, lying the in beautiful tragedy that was the afterlife? _

_It wasn't supposed to end like this. _

_But it did. _

_And you died. _

_And I'm all alone again. _

* * *

So many people had tried to placate the young woman as she became withdrawn and lost within her mind. The days past, and the death of her 'beloved' did not become any easier for her to bear.

Instead, she grew that much more bitter.

Her loveliness quickly withered and dried and her bubbly personality died a sudden death, no longer wanted nor missed.

Misa began to fade into the backdrop she had despised, and she secretly relished every second of it.

* * *

_To want something you can't have…_

_**He**__ had you first. _

_I never had you at all. _

_It made me sad to know that everything I did was for nothing-_

_At first. _

_But then __**he**__ was gone, and __**he**__ didn't have you, and I stood a chance again! _

_You were everything to me…_

_And then you just went away. _

_I don't know how, but you weren't the same after __**he **__left you. _

_After **you** took **him** away from **yourself** and took **Rem** away from **me**. _

_It was all different, and cold, and I put up a smile, but really, I __**hated**__ every single second of it. _

_Was this what the rest of our lives are going to be like, I would ask myself when you were sleeping and I felt the silence hang over us like a shadow we couldn't shake off. _

_I always secretly hoped that the rest of our lives wouldn't be that long. _

* * *

People began to file out of the supermodel-turned-singer's life as she became the one thing she had always hated.

There was no inane chatter or pointless vestiges of the 'old' her, since there was no one she no longer wished to act that out for.

How long had she truly been gone, people would quietly ask when they thought she could not hear.

If they really wanted to know, all they had to do was ask.

Misa knew that the emptiness had taken over a long time before Raito's death could ever affect her.

* * *

_When I was a child, I held many wishes that many people could not understand. _

_My own parents would stare at me with listless eyes and always ask-_

"_Why?" _

_But it's what I wanted. _

_What I wanted-_

_What I've always wanted…_

_**Escape**__. _

_You were my escape, Raito. _

_It's too bad I couldn't be yours. _

_This skin means nothing to me. _

_These eyes mean nothing to me. _

_These clothes mean nothing to me. _

_This life means nothing to me. _

_Is this my Goodbye?_

_Rem tried to warn me that all I would have left was catastrophe if I continued chasing after Raito the way I did…_

_Oh, Rem. _

_But you didn't know…_

_I love sad endings. _

* * *

The bright colors of the rising sun called to her, reminding her of the life she used to have.

Misa felt almost revitalized at the sight.

Raito would have called her stupid for even thinking so.

Pale white skin was temporarily returned back to its original golden-tan, and dull brown eyes burned a bright mocha as the tangerine glow soared, and soared, and soared…

_(I wish I could go…)_

'But… can't I?'

* * *

_My world used to be filled with color, even as the clothes I wore became darker and darker. _

_It was the only thing I cherished, besides the few people I cared about. _

_I didn't understand yet, that there were people out there that didn't think the way I did; that didn't __**feel**__ the way I did. _

_How can you __**not**__ love someone so unconditionally?_

_It's something I'll ponder till the bitter end, I suppose. _

_I want an answer, though. _

_I want to go. _

_I ask for so much, yet all I seem to do is lose what's precious to me in return. _

_Let me just see these brightening colors just one last time…_

* * *

Red.

It was everywhere, and nowhere.

And.

It.

Was.

_Beautiful. _

Misa had been that beautiful once.

But that beauty had been a lie.

'_That's it…_'

A lie.

A beautiful, gorgeous lie.

Smiling as she closed her eyes, Misa realized that she had finally reached her answer.

* * *

_(I want to go.)_

'You were…'

_(Go where?) _

'Nothing to me…'

* * *

_**Everywhere…**_

**_

* * *

_**


End file.
